Biblical Audio Commentary – The Pfizer Bible

Biblical Audio Commentary – The Pfizer Bible




The zeitgeist of the day seems to be that the sacred Word of God, the Holy Bible, must be rewritten to align with the various ideologies in the world.  Rather than sinful people looking for answers seeking them in God’s actual Word, Scripture must be altered to comport with the various ideas out there about what it means to be holy and righteous.  Thus, answers are given to the world based on man’s ideas of what is best for humanity.

We’ve seen this recently in news about PETA – the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals – with their rewrite of the book of Genesis.  Under PTEA’s wisdom and guidance, the first book in God’s Word has been changed to be vegan friendly by a helpful Artificial Intelligence (ChatGPT) programmed to think the way they do.  Not only do you get an earth-friendly composition, but the cover of the book is also comprised of vegan leather.  No animals were killed in the making of this treasure!

Reiterating some of the points made in the article linked in this Commentary, here are a few gems of wisdom:

  • Among the changes made by PETA to the Word of God includes referring to animals as “beings” rather than “beasts” or “creatures.” Another deviation is the use of plant fibers like hemp and bamboo as clothing rather than animal skins
  • “Among other new interpretations, in Genesis Chapter 22, Abraham travels to the land of Moriah and befriends a gentle lamb to show his reverence and respect for God’s creation, rather than slaughtering a ram to demonstrate his faith — much as human sacrifice, once a reality, is now outlawed all over the world.”
  • The animal rights group also inserted an entirely new storyline into Genesis 21, where Abraham and Sarah, who at that point in the text are 100 and 90 years old, respectively, “add to their growing family by adopting a dog named Herbie.”
    • The passage reads:

“As they walked with Herbie, Sarah and Abraham thought of the importance of adopting dogs from shelters and rescue organizations rather than purchasing them from breeders.

“They spoke of how buying a dog or cat from a breeder or a pet shop contributes to the companion animal overpopulation crisis, as countless dogs and cats in shelters await loving homes while breeders continue to produce more puppies and kittens for profit.”

Isn’t that heartwarming?  Why has PETA done this?  Here is PETA’s president explaining:

“The Bible has long been used to justify all forms of oppression, so we’ve used ChatGPT to make it clear that a loving God would never endorse exploitation of or cruelty to animals.”

It’s because you Christians follow a God who is an immoral monster.  Thankfully, apparently many Christians petitioned PETA to undertake this project so that more people will come to “understand God’s message of compassion.”

I’m so glad we have Christians with such love for the earth that they would completely change God’s Word to make it demonstrate their true values.

Not to be outdone, Communist China has also embarked on a Bible rewriting project.

As noted in the attached article regarding this much-needed new edition:

“The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) announced plans to update the Bible to ‘keep pace with the times.’ The revisions will include adding ‘core socialist values’ and removing passages that do not reflect communist beliefs.”

What might this look like?  We have the answer!  An example comes from the Gospel of John where in John 8 Jesus interacts with the woman caught in adultery.  In another instance that demonstrates the love and charity of Communists – after all the Pharisees decline to cast the first stone and depart – the text relating the actions of the Communist Jesus states:

“When everyone went out, Jesus stoned the woman himself, and said, ‘I am also a sinner.’”

Isn’t that nice?  Jesus relates to us.  He gets us, as the recent television commercials repeatedly said.  And isn’t that really what Communism is all about?  Equity.  Fairness for all.  Because Jesus is also a sinner, we can rest easy in our sin.

I feel so much better, don’t you?

Given these beautiful examples of who our God really is and the character He exhibits, I want to present you with the gift of the Pfizer Bible.  In this work, they’ve first tackled the Gospels so we get an up-close and personal view of Jesus and the compassion He exhibits in His healing ministry.

Take for instance Mark 1:40-42 in Pfizer’s retelling:

And a leper came to him, imploring him, and kneeling said to him, “If you will, you can make me clean.” Moved with pity, Jesus reached into his fanny pack and pulled out a syringe.  He stretched out his hand and vaccinated the man, and said to him, “I will; be clean with the finest of modern technology.” And immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean.

Marvelous.  But leprosy wasn’t all that Jesus could fix.  Here is Luke 7 in which the sinful woman anoints Jesus with oil while He reclines and eats with Simon the Pharisee.  She poured oil upon His feet and wiped them with her hair.  Of course, Simon was distraught that Jesus would allow such a sinful person to even approach Him like that.  But never fear, Jesus had an answer as told in Pfizer’s Luke 7:47-50:

Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.” And he said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.” Then those who were at table with him began to say among themselves, “Who is this, who even forgives sins?” And withdrawing from his backpack a needle filled with the lifesaving mRNA vaccine, he injected the woman and said to her, “Your faith has saved you; you now have true life; go in peace.”

But this isn’t all.  Neither Pfizer nor Jesus are one-trick ponies.  Watch what happens back in Mark 8:22-25 as Pfizer shows us:

And they came to Bethsaida. And some people brought to him a blind man and begged him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the village, and when he had applied the Pfizer cure-all gel on his eyes and laid his hands on him, he asked him, “Do you see anything?” And he looked up and said, “I see people, but they look like trees, walking.” Then Jesus nodded sagely, placed even more Pfizer healing ointment on his eyes again; and he opened his eyes, his sight was restored, and he saw everything clearly.

There’s so much more, but we don’t have time for it today.  Rest assured that Pfizer, like PETA and the Chinese Communist Party, have our welfare in mind in the recreation of the Greatest Story Ever Told.  Through their ministrations and the blessings of man’s ingenuity, we’ll all be saved.

Now, hopefully you realize that although the PETA and Communist versions of the Bible being created are real, my recounting of these several verses in the Pfizer Bible are all make-believe.  There is no Pfizer Bible . . . yet.

Who knows that at some point there may be as we fall deeper into the black hole of these end times.  In my tongue-and-cheek version of Pfizer’s gospel, you can see the idiocy of any retelling of God’s Word to make it acceptable to various unbelieving groups of people.

In fact, God tells us not to add to or take away from His Word as Deuteronomy 4:2 and Revelation 22:18-19 – among other such verses – warns us:

You shall not add to the word that I command you, nor take from it, that you may keep the commandments of the LORD your God that I command you.

 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this book: if anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book, and if anyone takes away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and in the holy city, which are described in this book.

Now before you say: “Gary, isn’t that what you just did in your satire?”  Absolutely not.  Notice the word satire.  What I did was to make a point about those who seriously attempt to change God’s Word for their man-centered purposes to actually take away from His intent.  This is my version of The Babylon Bee, and I know how all of you love that website – as do I – for its satirical take on both the secular world and church foolishness.

In these, the last days, the antichrist spirit will rise up and grow even more prominent than that which we’ve already seen.  We must read the Word of God for what it is and do so with greater frequency and intensity.  We must be able to discern truth from falsehood.  The only way we do this is through the prophetic lens of Scripture.

Jesus is coming soon.  Let’s be ready for Him by being people of the Book – the real Book – God’s Holy Word.

10 Responses to “Biblical Audio Commentary – The Pfizer Bible”

  1. Reply Rick H

    Great article Gary…George Orwell’s 1984 must be the Bible of today’s global leaders because they keep borrowing ideas from it…including rewriting history…the PETA argument of God not condoning animal cruelty is Satan at his best…that every one of his lies has about 20% truth.

      • Reply Rick H

        I was talking to a sister in Christ about Klaus Schwab and she said he was the most evil person right now thar she knew…I told her the AC will be worse…she said she knows but what if it’s him…I told her I don’t think it’s him…he’s been around in power influencing foreign policy for decades…his evil is too in your face…The AC will be like Satan…the kind of evil that slowly sneaks up on you…I would believe Obama or Elon Musk being the AC before I would believe it is Schwab

        • Reply Gary Ritter

          My sense is that A/C will be someone that isn’t currently a well-known public figure right now. Just like you said: he’ll sneak up onto the world stage from effectively nowhere.

  2. Reply Suzanne Swift

    ChatGPT I have heard business people say it can be trusted… I don’t think so.

    • Reply Gary Ritter

      Go ahead – bet your fortune on its recommendations. Just saw yesterday that there is mounting evidence that ChatGPT’s financial advice is being manipulated – so there you go.

  3. Reply GaryW.

    If the Chinese em(bark)ed on anything relating to animals, it would be a cookbook.

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