Psalm 69:3 – I Am Weary

The context for Psalm 69 is David’s struggles with what appear to be physical enemies, i.e. those who oppose and continually attack him.  Can we consider the situation of someone dealing with the circumstances of life as the physical enemy with many darts and arrows being slung to tear down and wear down that person?  Could we include among those aggressors the demonic forces that desire to separate an individual from complete faith, trust, and reliance on God?

I know a faithful woman of God – a woman of prayer, whom we’ll call Mary (not her real name) – who has dealt with many setbacks in life.  These issues have challenged her and her husband and made things difficult.  In the last couple of years it became evident that her husband had dementia.  Over time she knew it was rapidly getting worse.  Compounding this, Mary’s husband also developed Parkinson’s Disease with increasing weakness in his legs.

When someone has dementia – or perhaps Alzheimer’s – he often is aware of it but in a state of denial.  Because of that, he thinks he can continue to do those things competently that he has previously done.  Mary’s husband wanted to drive and do the chores around the house he had always done, but in his mental condition he was increasingly incompetent.  Parkinson’s added to the situation because he began falling without notice, as his legs would give way.  Since his mental awareness was decreasing he couldn’t react as he might have done in the past.

As Mary observed this deterioration she realized that she had to be constantly on the alert should her husband want to do something of which he was no longer capable or unexpectedly fall in a dangerous situation.  She had to constantly monitor him and turn him from willfully and ignorantly harming himself.  As you can imagine, this nonstop watching was extremely stressful on Mary.

This story takes a strange turn.  Because so much of Mary’s attention by necessity had to be upon her husband, when COVID hit and the so-called vaccines were developed, my presumption is that she simply didn’t have the time and opportunity to follow the alternative narrative that has shown how dangerous these shots are.

Anyone who has read articles I’ve written or watched my Prophecy Updates knows how opposed I am to these poisonous drugs.  The more I’ve learned, the greater my opposition because of the terrible adverse effects, including numerous, uncounted deaths.  Because of my visible opposition, it’s possible that Mary might have learned of the significant problems with the COVID jabs had she not been so completely engaged in caring for the needs of her husband.  However, she ended up taking the “vaccine” in ignorance.

God knew that Mary would never give up caring for husband.  She was faithful and true, determined to do whatever it took to see him through with her at his side to the end, regardless of the immense stress this caused her.

One of the awful adverse conditions of the COVID injections is blood clotting.  What has now been found is that as soon as someone takes the jab, micro-clotting begins.  This only gets worse.  I don’t know what the time frame is, but at some point following that, the blood suffers from this clotting.  The side-by-side picture of  healthy blood and blood cells versus blood that has been contaminated with the “vaccine” is stark.  That poisoned blood shows extremely unhealthy cells that are deformed and clotted together.  It is what leads to many effects in the body such as stroke, heart attack, deep vein thrombosis, etc.  The list is growing by the day.

Through this potent combination of extreme stress and the conditions in her blood caused by the jab, Mary had a heart attack.  Yet, having had that, she was able to continue caring for her husband for three days!  By the grace of God, an organization she had been working with for home care was able to place him in a resident care facility when she finally went to the hospital.  She ended up having triple bypass surgery.  Her husband appears, as of this writing, to be in a place that cares for him well.  Mary realizes that she cannot play the care role with him any longer because of both of their conditions.

This is where God’s grace and mercy come in.  First, let’s speculate that Mary’s cry to Him throughout this ordeal may have echoed David’s in Psalm 69:1-3:

Save me, O God!

    For the waters have come up to my neck.

I sink in deep mire,

    where there is no foothold;

I have come into deep waters,

    and the flood sweeps over me.

I am weary with my crying out;

    my throat is parched.

My eyes grow dim

    with waiting for my God.

Can you imagine how weary Mary had grown?  Yet, because of her love for her husband and her desire to fulfill her marriage vows, nothing would keep her from caring for him, even if it killed her.

However, God has a plan for Mary even exceeding this.  It’s one of those mysteries of God that are hard to comprehend.  He had told her that He wanted her to testify to others about hearing from Him and faithfully obeying.  How could she possibly even consider such a thing tied down as she was?  She could barely take a breath given the circumstances.

But now, as she recovers from the heart attack with her husband in a place where she doesn’t have to worry about him as before, look at how this door might be opening for her to fulfill what God has laid out that she should do.

This is the hard thing for me to comprehend, yet in pondering it, I see it clearly.  God has a plan for Mary because she loves Him so much and is so faithful.  Being God and seeing all paths, the only way for Him to release her to do His business was to allow her in ignorance to take the shot that would cause the heart attack.  Only through that affliction could she – would she – relent from being her husband’s keeper.  There was no other way.  She would have carried on even unto death.

This is so heavy.  I asked God, “Couldn’t there have been some other means of deterring her, enabling her husband to go into a facility, and still provide the way for her to witness as You desired?  At least, give her a nudge and the knowledge not to take that poison shot?  Surely, there could have been another way?”

In asking that, I received God’s assurance that for Mary it had to happen in this manner.  She had to be forcibly, physically incapacitated in order to release her hold on caring for her husband.

What can I even say to that?  Sometimes God has to cause a person to take a very hard road so that she can be fully obedient to His greater purposes.  The overarching lesson in this is that God sees, He knows, and in His sovereignty He will do what he must so that He may be glorified.

In our humanity and the frailty of our human condition, we must simply step back and allow God to be God.  When we do so, either voluntarily or forcefully, we need to be obedient.  Through that, we can give Him all glory.

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